Do you know this song from AZ YET?
I was inside of you
While making love to you
I saw the sun , the moon
The mountains and the rivers
I saw heaven when I made sweet love to you”
I heard this song for the first time in middle school, so that’s when I was about 13 or 14 years old. I remember thinking “Wow, that’s what sex must feel like!” and surely enough, I couldn’t wait to find out.
This afternoon, about a gazillion years and three kids later, I suddenly remembered this song. I thought to myself, “do I remember the last time I had sex and saw the sun, the moon, the mountains and the rivers?” Uh, no. I cannot. (Damn you, AZ YET!)
Don’t get me wrong, sex is good. I like sex. But try doing the sexy with three kids and the unending roller coaster ride that is life and I gotta tell you, I’m really not seeing anything. No heaven. No nothing. Like literally. It’s like “get in and get out”. In the dark. In silence.
(Okay, when was the last time you saw the heavens when you made sweet love? Coz if was last night, I need you to tell me all about it!)
But you know what? To me, personally, it really doesn’t matter what I’m seeing when I’m making love to my husband. More than the sensation of a 15-minute cardio-exercise (because right now, that’s probably the only cardio I’m getting), and the happy hormones that’s rushing through my body as a result of it; to me, sex is really about seeing the love. For me, making love isn’t a physical matter; it’s a matter of the heart. For me, I feel the importance of feeling loved when we’re making love – like I belong to him and he belongs to me and we’re very secure about each other.
When life takes us on a series of crazy rides all around the block, and all around the country even, we don’t naturally put a priority on connecting with each other. We’d put connecting with each other on hold until all kids-related matters have been settled, and then if that’s already settled, we’d still put connecting with each other on hold until all work-related matter have been settled, because let’s face it, these kids aren’t getting any cheaper!
But let me tell you what I think, these kids-related matters and work-related matters will never be settled! (because well, if it has been settled, we’ve got another thing coming and I’m not sure we want that in our lives right now!) We just got to make the time to connect.
Then we think that the only way we can connect is to have a 15-minute vigorous exercise when we’re physically feeling dog-tired and because of that, we use that as the perfect excuse to not connect. (“I’m too tired. And besides I don’t ever get to see the sun, the moon, the dumb mountain and the stupid rivers anyway!”) And just like that, we give up. And then, before we know it, we’ve drifted apart.
I’ve come to understand something about myself when it comes to sex. First, I needed to accept that I’m no longer a teenage girl with raging hormones, which means that it’s okay for me not to pounce on my Mister every time I see him naked. Secondly, my body has changed a lot since I’ve had babies and so it’s okay if it might take longer (or faster, whatever) for me (and him!) to reach the big “O”. (No pressure, no pressure!) Third and finally, to be physically having sex is only the tip of the iceberg. The game has changed – it’s now in the foreplay. And that might or might not have anything to do with physical touching at all. Sex is more about what goes on between the ears than what goes on between the legs!
So yeah, AZ YET might have been on to something there about making love.(For newlyweds maybe, sheesh!) But for us, women, or wait, mommies – it’s really what goes on between the ears, is it not? There’s a bigger chance there of seeing the heavens that way, because a happy marriage, based on love and trust, makes for a really happy life. A isn’t a really happy life is what heaven on earth is all about? D’oh.