A Letter To My Boys: Nobody Wants To Be With A Man Who Flirts With Everybody

Dear boys,

A few weeks ago, at an event I attended, I caught a glimpse of a colleague flirting majorly with the new girl at his company. He’s a married colleague, by the way. Normally, I wouldn’t put much thought into it. I mean, it’s not my husband. And it’s none of my business. But somehow at that time, it made me sad, and mad! (And no, it’s definitely not because I wished he was flirting with me instead! How dare you. Tsk.)

I had no doubt that if someone told him off for his behavior, he would brush it off as “harmless” because he was just “being friendly”. However, I don’t think that anyone would bother to tell him off because, well, let’s just say that he’s earned himself a reputation as “the office flirt”; it’s actually no secret that he’ll turn his charms on any female who crosses his path (whether they asked for it or not). I don’t know why he does it, but he just does. And I don’t know how it makes other people feel, but it made me feel icky.

I believe that while he thinks he’s just being friendly, there are people who are silently judging him. Including me.

Huh, what’s that? What’s the girl like?

Well, that’s beside the point, but if you must know, she’s young … and hot.

But … before you start making him your hero because you think he’s pretty awesome for an Uncle who still got enough confidence in him to hit on someone ten years younger than he is, hear me out.

The poor girl wouldn’t have known what hit her anyway because she is still very young. She wouldn’t be thinking about anything else other than how fun it is to flirt with an older man. And I actually don’t blame her, because as far as she’s concerned, she’s just having a little fun. I imagine that she thinks it’s harmless too, because “he wouldn’t leave his wife for me, right?” Yeah. Girls in their early 20s can be pretty silly. (And I say this with the least spite as possible because I might just be speaking from experience.) Of course, he wouldn’t leave his wife for her because they’re just flirting, right?

Right. 

And you know what? He’s probably thinking the same thing. It’s harmless flirting; just a friendly banter between colleagues, right?

Wrong.

Flirting is being friendly when you’re single. But when you’re married, flirting it’s cheating.

Flirting is highly disrespectful, especially to the person he claims to love. Even when it may seem harmless to him, it can still be hurtful to the people who love him. On top of that, it’s embarrassing for his friends and colleagues who are forced to watch him flirt shamelessly like he’s still single and on the prowl. 

So, why am I telling you all this? What’s the point?

Other than the fact that I don’t want you to become him, I… Nope, that’s it. I got nothing else. I just don’t want you to turn out to be like him, period. Because, and I am now saying this as a wife and a mother, infidelity is a scary thing. It only takes the smallest spark to fuel an affair that can ruin an entire family.

Don’t play with fire. Hose down the spark that can lead you further into temptation.

“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matthew 26:41

Two things I want you to think about before you turn your charms on and start flirting with women:

  1. Flirting is never harmless. It is an explicit and definite statement that you are attracted or interested in someone, who is the object of your flirting. When you’re still single, flirting means that you’re ready for what comes next. When you’re in a relationship, flirting is cheating. Flirting never “means nothing”. Don’t start something that you know can lead to no good.
  2. Nobody wants a man who flirts with everybody. Place boundaries around yourself, voluntarily and on purpose. Exercise self-control. Build yourself up to be a man with upstanding character and a respectable reputation, because you know, people talk.

Instead of putting a lot of effort into discovering the best pick up lines and mastering the art of flirt, might I suggest you build up your character instead? Be the man that is trustworthy. It’s not about your intellectual capacities or your wealth or even your stature in society… no, no. Being trustworthy is about your character, and it is earned and shown in the little moments. Build yourself up to be someone people can trust and don’t ever give them – your friend / girlfriend / future spouse / spouse – a reason not to trust you. That way, you will become the man that everybody wants to be around. You’ll be an awesome catch. And I have every belief that you can be just that.

I love you,

Mama

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